At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
