3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I wish i was in the wii world.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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