I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
