You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
