your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
