He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
