I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I am never drinking with the goths again.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
