i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My life is pants optional.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
