I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
