He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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