Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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