Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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