Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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