I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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