Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
40s are totally the cure
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
