My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
