you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
