Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
