Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
