Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
