his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
