I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
