I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
