STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
