She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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