Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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