The maid of honor just puked.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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