I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
