I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
They took my balls.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
