Already got asked if we're dating
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
