woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
