You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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