I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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