I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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