my phone needs a breathalizer
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
