I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
pop tarts are not kleenex
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So much rum. So many feels.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
