there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
