I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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