i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
