That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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