You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
