I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Randomize
