They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
