You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
