what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
