think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
