I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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