thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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