i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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