I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
third nipple confirmed
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
