You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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