I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the day after is always just damage control
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
